he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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