It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
