Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
