just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
