He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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