Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
