girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
