in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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