Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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