I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
