I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
