Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
