i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
