jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
