no you cant smoke seaweed
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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