why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
