why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he was CRYING into my vagina
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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