I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
