Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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