guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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