fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
