dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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