Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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