i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
