Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
