Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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