I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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