You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish I only lived at night.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you would pick up someone in the library
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Randomize
