Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm passing your future prison.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
