last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
