I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Randomize
