You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
