So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
