just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
