I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We are two peas in an std pod
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
