My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
two words...techno handjob
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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