Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I am available for nakedness
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