Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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