it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
