Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
