Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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