Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
