Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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