moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
