Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Randomize
