ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
