Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
