Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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