Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I could fuck to npr.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
