question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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