6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
