Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
